Sunday, 30 September 2007

Global Warning

M20's poshest takeaway is Globe on Lapwing Lane, Didsbury.

It USP is that purports to offer a fine dining experience in the normal takeaway format; serving up not ony Italian but Mexican, Indian, Thai, Japanese and Chinese dishes. They call it "fusion food".

There are over 80 exotic choices, from the Sui Mai - Chinese pork dumplings with bamboo - to Thai Geang Keow Curry, to the Yasi Yakitori (seasoned aubergines, shiitake mushrooms and peppers).

Ambition is certainly not a problem. But with such a sprawling menu, can they get the food out in time, in the right order? Can we have a restaurant quality meal in our own homes?

The short answer? No.

Here's a tip for you. If you ever need free beer, call up Globe, order something elaborate, and for every 5 minutes that they're late with your delivery, call back, and in your finest parental voice, pretend not to be angry, but just disappointed at the failings of this supposedly upmarket and bespoke service.

Works every time.

Joking and theiving aside, what's the quality of the food actually like? Is this Pimp My Takeaway, a flashier, louder and more expensive version of reality?

I can say that the pizzas, like this 'Globe Around The World' to the right, are fantastic. Packed with sweet and crunchy red onions, peppers, olives and capers, and layer upon layer of pepperoni, and chicken, this is the closest Globe really gets to a fine dining experience.

The upmarket starters, however are often disappointing. Check out this Har Kau - steamed dumplings, minced prawn, finely chopped bamboo shoots and soy sauce. Apparently it's ok to charge £3.90 for this:The dumplings were more rubbery than a Goodyear's finest tyres. The portion size was ridiculously small. This is just not acceptable for "fusion food".

So, in conclusion, if you desperately need a proscuitto and rocket pizza, Globe is the place to go. If you can survive with ham and pineapple, there are a million other takeaways within a 2 mile radius.

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